Feminine Wiles
by moodiful819
Summary: His clan's jutsu should come with fail safes. Because close-proximity is always dangerous. Especially with a hormonal Sand kunoichi that carries a giant fan. ShikaTem.


This plot is a return to my beloved ShikaTem which I love for all the shits and giggles they give me. To be honest, this is a bit more ecchi and male-oriented than my other stuff. It was also part of a dream I had (forgot what happened at the end exactly, but it did involve Temari's cleavage), and is an important lesson in why I should get more sleep so I don't become more pervy than I already am.

And yes, most of the guys I know like boobs, so that's why I made the generalization.

Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto.

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Shikamaru leapt back as he watched the place he had just been standing in become demolished as a large fan came crashing down. Specks of dirt and grass blades flew at him, striking off harmlessly as the soil dust filled the air and his mouth. In the back of his head, he commented on Temari's troublesome habit of taking their spars too far, the comment being reinforced as he barely dodged a downward fan strike that would've split his skull.

'_Women,'_ he thought with a roll of his eyes, nimbly back-flipping away to a semblance of safety a few meters away. Honestly, he didn't really believe his father when he said he wouldn't be able to live without Yoshino (as overbearing as she was). Shikamaru couldn't see why anyone would willingly put up with the other sex (though a traitorous part of his mind reminded him he'd been doing that for years, especially with the sandy-haired Sand Nin lately. Shikamaru, of course, promptly told that part of his brain to shut up).

"Come on, Nara. I know you can do better than that. What? Did you sear your eyes staring at the sun instead of the clouds again? For a genius, you sure have a funny way of showing it," the twenty-one-year-old goaded.

Shikamaru, hidden by the cover of the trees, rolled his eyes. _'The one time I let my attention slip in front of her and she just has to hold it over me forever. How troublesome.'_

Deciding a quick finish was in order—there was only so much more this training ground could take before it crumbled out from under them—Shikamaru leapt down towards her, his fingers creating a quick succession of hand seals, smirking slightly to himself as he watched their shadows connect without her being aware.

'_Piece of cake.'_

Except for the fact he somehow was lying pinned under her. That wasn't part of the plan.

"What the—Nara, what the hell did you do?" Temari huffed angrily against his forehead. From under her, Shikamaru gave a slight shrug. Best he could figure, he failed to release his jutsu in time, so instead of freezing her in place long enough to slide tackle her into the ground, he'd slid both of them into the ground and were now stuck together until he could release the jutsu.

Of course, it was too much of a hassle to tell her that, so he merely sighed and shrugged a little. "A jutsu failed. We're stuck together."

He had hoped that would placate her long enough so that he could focus on getting them unstuck. However, like he predicted, it didn't placate her and only served to make her even madder.

"We're stuck? What the hell, Nara? I don't want to spend the rest of our lives stuck together like this! I have plans!" she shouted.

Wincing from the volume of her screams, he was tempted to ask what kind of plans someone like her would have when she suddenly began thrashing against him. Alarmed, he shouted, "What the heck do you think you're doing?"

"Well, obviously you're too lazy to get us back to normal, so I decided to be the productive one and try and pry ourselves apart. Now, hold still, you wimp."

Inwardly snorting at the 'wimp' comment, Shikamaru opened his mouth to point out that 1) They couldn't be pried apart because it was a _jutsu_ holding them together, and 2) that all he had to do to release them was bring his hands together, only to begin spluttering as Temari rocked her hips against his.

"What—what are you—Wait, Temari. Wait!" Shikamaru stuttered as he stared fearfully down towards their hips. As much as he realized Temari was just trying to help, her "help" was going to get him in a lot of trouble—especially since he'd started puberty five years ago—and he tried desperately to think of non-threatening things.

'_Clouds, computers, scrolls, Chouji—NAKED Chouji—umm…walking in on parents making out, deer husbandry, NAKED CHOUJI AND OROCHIMARU!'_

But no matter what he thought up, it still couldn't distract Shikamaru from Temari as she rocked and writhed her body over his in an attempt to pry themselves apart. Feeling the blood in his body beginning to travel southwards, panic began to set in and he did the first thing that came to mind: he raised his hands above his head to try and leave as little of their bodies touching as possible.

Of course, he failed to calculate that the jutsu was still in effect and whatever he did, she'd do as well, so when he lifted his hands above his head, she did too, and the hands that had been propping herself up over him were suddenly gone, making her fall flat on top of him. And as if things couldn't get any worse, she landed chest-first into his face. If he hadn't known how ample her cleavage was before, he knew now.

They lay there together in the grass, limbs pinned together by their shadows in the training field. Above him, he could hear Temari's choked sounds of shock and indignation as Shikamaru bit his lip and tried not to embarrass himself any more than he had already. Every breath she gave, her chest bumped against his nose and somehow, somewhere in his body was overriding his self-control. As much as he told himself not to look, his eyes wouldn't listen and he stared until he was cross-eyed. Somewhere in the back of his head, something clicked and he realized the sole reason his gender put up with women: it was because of the hypnotic quality of the two swells on their chests.

And even when they finally got unstuck and Shikamaru received a dislocated nose for his trouble, he could not say he regretted what happened that day.


End file.
